Remembering
The past few years at my last job were fairly stressful. The job duties were not stressful, but personnel and management issues created an uncertain environment. I was underpaid, which was adding stress to my finances, unappreciated and completely unhappy. I knew I wasn't supposed to be there any longer, but I stayed because I was comfortable. It was familiar.
When I lost my job, in one way, I felt a sense of relief because I was finally released from a place I should have walked away from long ago. But then I was faced with a whole new level of stress. What am I going to do? I have no backup plan. It’s just me, and the bills are coming. Besides the worry of finding a job to pay the bills, I wanted to find something that was a fit for me.
That five month period was a tough journey. I spent a lot of time praying, wondering if God would show up for me. Would He provide? I was so tired. I had struggled in this one area, my career, for a long time, working hard and getting nowhere. And it was affecting every other area of my life. I just wanted reprieve.
But that time was also good. I was in a valley, but felt intimately closer in my walk with God than I have in a while. I was in a desperate place and clinging to the Lord.
And He met me there. Physical provision is what kept bringing me to my knees, but as I spent more time seeking God, he was providing me with more than I asked.
I wanted a change in circumstances, but He was changing me.
In my brokenness, I began searching myself and working on areas that needed to change. I opened up to places in my life I had ignored. There was Truth I knew with my head, but God was teaching it to my heart.
And eventually, my circumstances did change. Right now, I have some relief. It’s been great and I’m thankful every day. But I've noticed lately that my conversation with God has been much quieter. I've rushed through my quiet time, with my mind in other places.
Oh, how quickly we forget. Right now I’m on a small peak, finding rest. And in my resting I have no time for God?
I know this is human nature and something we all struggle with. And I don’t have any profound words about it.
I just wanted to take a moment to remember the places God has met me. And in my remembering, I find myself desiring.
May I desperately seek Him on the mountaintops as well as the valleys.
When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God… Deuteronomy 8:10
When I lost my job, in one way, I felt a sense of relief because I was finally released from a place I should have walked away from long ago. But then I was faced with a whole new level of stress. What am I going to do? I have no backup plan. It’s just me, and the bills are coming. Besides the worry of finding a job to pay the bills, I wanted to find something that was a fit for me.
That five month period was a tough journey. I spent a lot of time praying, wondering if God would show up for me. Would He provide? I was so tired. I had struggled in this one area, my career, for a long time, working hard and getting nowhere. And it was affecting every other area of my life. I just wanted reprieve.
But that time was also good. I was in a valley, but felt intimately closer in my walk with God than I have in a while. I was in a desperate place and clinging to the Lord.
And He met me there. Physical provision is what kept bringing me to my knees, but as I spent more time seeking God, he was providing me with more than I asked.
I wanted a change in circumstances, but He was changing me.
In my brokenness, I began searching myself and working on areas that needed to change. I opened up to places in my life I had ignored. There was Truth I knew with my head, but God was teaching it to my heart.
And eventually, my circumstances did change. Right now, I have some relief. It’s been great and I’m thankful every day. But I've noticed lately that my conversation with God has been much quieter. I've rushed through my quiet time, with my mind in other places.
Oh, how quickly we forget. Right now I’m on a small peak, finding rest. And in my resting I have no time for God?
I know this is human nature and something we all struggle with. And I don’t have any profound words about it.
I just wanted to take a moment to remember the places God has met me. And in my remembering, I find myself desiring.
May I desperately seek Him on the mountaintops as well as the valleys.
When you have eaten and are satisfied, praise the LORD your God for the good land he has given you. Be careful that you do not forget the LORD your God… Deuteronomy 8:10
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